Keep You Here with Me

Okay, I’m going to have you listen to another song…. 

I guess thinking more about this song… I don’t think it is really about us, but rather, I feel like this is what God sings to us. He longs for us to spend every waking moment with Him, but He is just so excited for who we are, that He just wants to keep us with Him regardless of what we are doing. He just wants to spend time with us. And I feel like He is working out different little ways to keep us with Him. I think He tells us this in a million ways everyday. His joy at our figuring ourselves and Him out. His excitement when we are growing and learning, and His willingness to love us regardless of where we are at. He loves the good and the bad, and I think it is a beautiful thing to realize just how excited He is just to spend time with us. I don’t know if I can say it enough because I sometimes struggle with truly, on the inside, deep in the core of my heart to know 100% God’s love for me and His joy with who He created me to be. Some days are better than others, actually weeks can go by where I don’t even question God’s love, then almost as if a switch is pulled, I start questioning it again. Maybe I’m strange, but I have always struggled with how God, who is perfect, all knowing, 100% aware of everything that I am and everything that I am not can love me. (I don’t usually question His love for others). I know that He died for me and you, but in the past, I have always worked for love. I have always taken it upon myself to work for and earn love. Therefore, the idea that Someone who knows everything about me could love me for absolutely no reason other than because He can and wants to is at times a hard concept for me to grasp. We worker bee types don’t just settle for something that is handed to us, we work for it, earn it, achieve it… and let me tell you we can achieve a lot, but we can’t “achieve” God’s love for us. He gives it freely, and while I accept that for everyone else, I often have a hard time accepting it for myself, but this song is just a little reminder for me of the fact that He wants to keep me here with Him. That just brings a smile to my face. :)

I’ve been back in Canada for about 2 weeks… maybe a little less right now. The first week I spent in Montreal at a YWAM conference with the director of YWAM I.Net and my base leader. The conference left a little to be wanting, but I enjoyed Montreal and the riots! If you haven’t heard about the Montreal riots, they were fun to watch from our hotel room balcony! It was truly memorable, and I don’t know if it is a good thing or a bad thing that all three of us were so excited about them, though our balcony was 7 floors up, far out of the reach of the fire crackers and all of that. I literally just got back onto the farm, and I feel like it has taken me a few days to get back into the swing of things. However, I’m finding that a few things have changed since I’ve been gone, and I don’t necessarily like it. (I feel like God is also asking me to learn how to let go of certain things, and I’m not sure I like that either!) It is always a good reminder that God isn’t finished with me yet. 

Overall, I’m glad that I went back to Minnesota. Seriously, it is nice to have more than 5 shirts and 2 pairs of jeans! Options are a great thing! Like I said in the previous post, there were some great things that happened and some things that I learned that I am still processing through, and that is okay, though I can’t say I’ve even started. That unpacking will happen eventually, I can guarantee. Still, I just want to send a brief thank you to all of you who I spent time with and a promise to those I didn’t get a chance to see that I will see you next time! Sorry that we didn’t get a chance to see each other! Thanks again!